How Chick-fil-A is destroying our children

I eat at Chick-fil-A more than once per week. I’ve also become quite the expert in ordering my meal at Chick-fil-A. Did you know that you can custom order your chicken sandwich? There’s like this whole secret way of ordering. I’m not even kidding. Subscribe to my podcast for details.

But, even though I eat at CFA on the regular, their employees are psychopaths and I think it’s time we talk about it.

I’m a southerner, and in many ways my tastes and interests coincide with my origins. For example, I enjoy a slower pace, I say “yes ma’am,” I still believe in only two genders, I love soul food and country cookin, (for those who don’t know, “soul food” is when black folks cook it and it’s the best in the entire world), I love the Alabama Crimson Tide, I love crappie fishing, my dream truck is a Ford Ranger, and I know all the words to every Alan Jackson song. But, when it comes to shopping and customer service, I’m a Yankee. My wife will attest to this. Let me explain.

When I’m in line at the store, I want to pay for my goods and leave. I don’t want to get to know the person behind the counter. I don’t want to hear the person in line in front of me get to know the person behind the counter. I’m not there to make friends. I don’t care about where you’re from or your family. Stop talking, don’t ask me how I’m doing, don’t ask to see pictures of my baby, just take my damn money. (There are exceptions to this, of course, like if I’m shopping at a place where I’m friends with the business owner or the person behind the counter. In other words, I’m a hypocrite who believes the world revolves around me. At least I admit it, okay?)

Here’s where Chick-fil-A comes in, and why we need to build awareness about this toxicity. Stop smiling at me from behind the counter, you freaking psychopath. And cut it out with the “my pleasures.” Ask me what I want, take my money and deliver my order. Nothing is more toxic for our children than fake-nice Christian girls named Makenzy who are smiling at you like some braindead angel zombie saying, “my pleasure.”

In the restaurant business and in retail, “the customer is always right,” but CFA has overcompensated for this incorrect logic (because NOBODY is always right) with these overly nice psychos and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired of it, I might write another article about it (after I buy more Chick-fil-A).

It’s not just the fake nice Christian girls behind the counter who are toxic for our children. They’re just part of the problem. It’s the little old ladies who just needed a part time job to get out of the house. These crazy bitches, as you’ll notice, just walk around and ask for refills (every five minutes). Just when the little psycho angel behind the counter has already ruined your day with her smile and her polite customer service, you’re met with an evil surprise five minutes after you sit down. A short 88-year-old lady walks over, smiling from ear to ear, and asks you if you’d like a refill. You reply with a nice, “No thanks.” Five minutes later, she returns and asks again, with an even bigger smile. You look down at your almost full drink (hoping she’ll notice you looking at your almost full drink) and you reply with, “No, I think I’m good. But, thanks so much.” Five minutes later she returns and asks again. At which point you look back down at your almost full drink and you reply (with a smile, of course) with an emphatic, “NO, I THINK I’M GOOD. I DON’T THINK I’LL NEED A REFILL TODAY.”

Just when you think you’ve rid yourself of that happy geriatric pain in the ass, she comes back to ask you if you’d like her to throw your tray away.

Nothing is more offensive in this world than being accosted by a geriatric sweet lady at an eatery that isn’t supposed to have a wait staff. For the love of God, I’m at a fast food eatery. I’m not at a fancy establishment like Chili’s. If I wanted to have incredibly good customer service AFTER I SIT DOWN, I’ll go to a place with a wait staff. So, please stop caring about my needs and give me my damn food. All I want is to eat my specially ordered extra crispy fried chicken sandwich with a quiet dignified resentment.

I think the moral of this story is to make sure we’re balancing out Chick-fil-A with the Waffle House. We must teach our children that Misty over at the Waffle House actually cares about our family because she has rich life experience (both inside bars and outside bars) while Makensy thinks she’s in love with some dork named Skyler just because he followed her on Instagram during the Golden Hour. As long as our kids understand that Chick-fil-A isn’t the real world, I think our future looks bright. But the second they think that the real world is filled with happiness and understanding, we’re screwed.

Off the field issues with Josh” is a “weekly” column where Josh Brown shares his personal opinions and complex worldview with the readers at Knockahoma Nation. If you read more than one “Off the field issues with Josh” without wanting to tell him to shut up, then you probably need to seek professional help. Josh’s views do not necessarily reflect the views of Knockahoma Nation, so please direct your hate to Josh’s Facebook page HERE.

Josh Brown

Josh is the co-host of Knockahoma Nation. He's written for the Rome News Tribune, as well as Fansided's Tomahawk Take, and he's been published on Fox Sports. He lives with his wife and dogs somewhere in the mountains near Boone, NC.

74 thoughts on “How Chick-fil-A is destroying our children

  • June 1, 2019 at 2:47 am
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    Yeesh. Sounds like someone really hates positive social interactions. They get paid to act nice, just like ALL wait staff (+ service industry workers) at any mid-scale business. If you’d prefer deadpan service just stay at McDonald’s or something man. No one’s forcing you to eat more chicken.

    Reply
    • June 1, 2019 at 11:40 am
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      It’s called sarcasm…..

      Reply
    • June 1, 2019 at 3:40 pm
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      Agreed.. Josh sounds like a douche.

      Reply
    • June 1, 2019 at 7:57 pm
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      Your a idiot to think being polite is rude. The world needs more kindness and friendly service. To many people in quick serve, retail ECT……. Are rude,miserable, and lazy. It is refreshing to go to CFA and see people who try to make your day better, if they can.

      Reply
      • June 6, 2019 at 9:37 pm
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        “Your a idiot”
        Need I say more?

        Reply
    • June 1, 2019 at 8:02 pm
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      Not an article worth time reading.

      Reply
    • June 1, 2019 at 10:38 pm
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      Recognizing sarcasm isn’t your specialty, I’m guessing.

      Reply
    • June 2, 2019 at 12:54 pm
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      I think that was written with tongue in cheek. He was kidding.

      Reply
    • June 2, 2019 at 12:55 pm
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      Danny,
      The word for this genre of writing is “sarcasm”. I think likes CFA just fine.

      Reply
    • June 2, 2019 at 6:29 pm
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      I work at Chick Fil A. I know what he’s talking about. If you can’t tell the difference between an honest and a fake smile then…

      All he’s saying is that he’d like to just sit back and relax with a real person behind the counter, not someone who behaves like they’ll get paid more if they know more about their customers. I know someone who NEVER say “my pleasure”. And she’s the favorite cashier of most of our customers.

      Reply
    • June 5, 2019 at 10:01 pm
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      Could everyone please calm down. He’s being sarcastic. This is a genuinely funny article…because it’s sarcastic.

      Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 7:47 am
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    Maybe you need to do curbside pickup so you won’t be bothered so much. I know many younger people who are ex CFA workers and other kids who know that is not how the real world works. Who really does? I’ve never met them. Simmer down.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 10:38 am
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    What a dumb post

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 11:54 am
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    I work at publix and I like to put a smile on all of my customers by smiling and have pleasant chat if they wish.
    If they do not want to chat, I am still goint to be polite to them and wish them a happy day.
    If that is wrong, then this world is in lots of trouble.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 3:20 pm
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    You sound like an old toxic piece of shit. Do us all a favor and leave Chickfila alone. Some people like positive interactions and being treated with decency. Go to shit holes like McDonald’s for the kind of treatment your looking for.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 3:52 pm
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    WTH is wrong with this guy…. Most companies retail and fast food emphasize good customer service… I love chick fill a for how they train their staff.

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  • June 1, 2019 at 4:02 pm
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    You answered my question about what you’re problem is. You’re a yankee.

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  • June 1, 2019 at 4:25 pm
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    I really hope this is satire. Are you really that upset with good service. Holy cow my man you’re such a fucking pussy. You gotta be a real anus to be angry that employees are acting pleasant. I’m gonna go eat chicken fil a just because of this and I’m gonna have some nice conversation.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 4:31 pm
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    The only thing that is toxic in the “story” is you, how is it toxic that people are being nice? If you want to be treated like crap then don’t go to Chick-fil-A. Don’t blame an entire company for your horrid attitude

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 4:34 pm
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    I don’t think this was intentional but this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read.

    Reply
    • June 5, 2019 at 11:03 am
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      Thank you for getting it. I’ve had fun reading these comments. 😉

      Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 4:46 pm
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    Sounds like the psychopath is the one writing this article.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 4:49 pm
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    Bro, get a grip, do yourself a favor and get off the drugs

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 5:00 pm
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    I seriously hope this is satire. Because, goodness man. You need some sweet tea and a chill pill. If you don’t like it, no one is forcing you bro!

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 5:11 pm
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    I was brought up to have manners. That’s all Chick-fil-a is showing. Obviously you don’t have any. If you were truly from the south you would have some.

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  • June 1, 2019 at 5:27 pm
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    I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a joke or if you’re just a really unpleasant person who has never experienced actual kindness, and interpret these niceties as a cruel joke on you…either way…yikes, dude.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 5:42 pm
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    Josh is going to die alone with an empty cup

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 5:50 pm
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    I used to work in retail with Hallmark. We our told the goals of our interactions with put customers is meant to go by our CARE program. C being “connect” we make a connection with the customer and get to know what they want to buy and who they are buying for in order to make the perfect gift. A is for “affirm” we affirm the customer by supporting them in their purchase in choosing a good gift for their loved one. R is for “relate” we relate ourselves to the customer and share our stories in some cases. Finally, E is for “earn” and we are told to the customers business and have them come back. Our store is graded by how well we follow all of these and how well we greet and assist and our customers. Knowing all this, I would like you to take into consideration the fact that the standards on those “psycho fake Christian girls” are extremely high and she is paid to do what she has to- it’s not her fault. She’s just doing her job trying to get paid, can’t blame them for that. I was constantly told I had to walk around the store and make sure customers were finding everything alright and made sure every customer was greeted, while also trying to make a genuine connection if possible. I worked in a mall by the way and many times people like you will come in asking for one thing and blowing me off when you come in when I try to come in. Let me say this, I’M A HUMAN BEING TOO. People like you often seem to forget that retail workers are human and trying to make a living and we’re forced to do these things or we won’t get paid as well. Retail is very competive working place. While Misty at Waffle House may care about your family, in some cases depending on some retail workers they can too, don’t generalize them into one category. Not every Waffle House worker will too it just depends on who you go to and/or are served by. But I can tell you when I worked for Hallmark while often there were random people who came in who were “just looking” there were regulars who I knew their story and who I genuinely cared for as friends and regulars I saw often. Bottomline though those crazy retail workers are only their to help you and assist you. Maybe some do put on a fake smile but it’s because they have to to earn their paycheck- and wouldn’t you do the same thing?

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 6:24 pm
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    You have got some issues buddy

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  • June 1, 2019 at 6:44 pm
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    Wow seems someone is miserable and should stay inside and be a hermit. If you consider a fancy establishment Chilis you have lived under a rock and are quite clueless. Your article is toxic and nothing more than you own ridiculous views. Next time pick the drive-thru go out in the middle of the woods.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 6:59 pm
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    Stay home if you don’t like nice people and keep your negative attitude there with you.

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  • June 1, 2019 at 7:10 pm
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    But if they didn’t act that everyone would be calling corporate complaining about not being friendly enough. Trust me after working in customer service for alot of years we have to pretend we care alot

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  • June 1, 2019 at 7:13 pm
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    I’m not sure what to think. I feel like you are complimenting Chick-fil-A in a weird and twisted way. Saying how terrible it is for them to their jobs so well that you get fed up with niceness. I for one have been to many a Chick-fil-A, and think that if the positivity that was contained in said restaurant was able to spill out to the community, then our children wo t be screwed. They will be better people for it.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 7:16 pm
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    Dead on, love the sarcasm!!

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 7:17 pm
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    Josh Brown is an idiot, has no manners and shouldn’t shop at Chick-fil-A.
    What has the world come to when somebody is nice to you and Josh considers it an imposition.
    Hopefully his disdain for others is not catching.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 7:37 pm
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    Well I guess I’m not the only one who is sick of my bank staff asking if I’m having a wonderful day. And complimenting me on my sunglasses. And asking me if my hat is protecting me from the beautiful sun we are having today. And then when I leave I have to hear have a wonderful rest of your day my pleasure.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 7:57 pm
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    Your a idiot to think being polite is rude. The world needs more kindness and friendly service. To many people in quick serve, retail ECT……. Are rude,miserable, and lazy. It is refreshing to go to CFA and see people who try to make your day better, if they can.

    Reply
    • June 6, 2019 at 8:22 am
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      You’re* an* idiot to think being polite is rude. The world needs more kindness and friendly service. Too* many people in quick serve, retail, ETC*……….are rude, miserable, and lazy. It is refreshing to go to CFA and see people who try to make your day better (no comma here) if they can.

      Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 8:17 pm
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    That cracks me up. Well done and agreed.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 8:30 pm
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    The hell is wrong with this guy?

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    • June 6, 2019 at 3:31 pm
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      Obviously his mother never taught him manners. He needs prayer. Lots of prayer.

      Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 8:38 pm
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    I loved this article!

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 8:41 pm
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    This dude should order his food ahead of time on the app and take it to go. Obviously good customer service that most of us appreciate is wasted on him.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 8:44 pm
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    This can’t be a serious post. Satire…I’m going to chalk this up to satire.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 8:46 pm
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    Your a idiot for thinking being upbeat is a bad thing in a crazy world we live in. There are many unhappy and rude employees wverywhere, so I expect you will right a article on them to. Must be unhappy yourself to wake up in the morning and have to look at your misearable self.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 8:59 pm
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    Get over yourself. If you want people to people to treat you like shit go eat at Dicks last resort.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 9:03 pm
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    It’s pathetic when you bash a company for being nice. It’s a refreshing change to be treated overly good. The people over at waffle House are usually the rude ones who don’t care one way or the other. What’s wrong with people like you who are offended by kindness. That’s sad….

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 9:06 pm
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    It’s just ‘terrible ‘ our children, and the rest of society, are subjected to those with manners and Christian influences being enforced. And nevermind these teenagers have jobs- its atrocious! So glad there are people like you identifying this atrocious behavior that’s happening at CFA.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 9:09 pm
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    Yeah, Just kill yourself bro. You’re a moron. Why does anyone employ you to give opinions?

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  • June 1, 2019 at 9:16 pm
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    Get real dude I believe your the psycho also stop eating at chick fill and go some where else!

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  • June 1, 2019 at 9:32 pm
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    You are one sick, anti’Christian dude.
    Perhaps if our Democrat lawmakers acted more like Chick-filet workers, some of the nation’s problems would get solved.

    Reply
    • June 1, 2019 at 9:36 pm
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      It appears you are anti-Christian. If more Congessional Democrats acted like ChickFilet employees, perhaps some of our nation’s problems could be resolved.

      Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 10:13 pm
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    Chick-fil-A is only fast food chain where my family and I have a consistently good customer service experience. You rant reflects a complete lack of wit and insight and I can’t imagine why anyone would ever agree with or validate your petty first world issues.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 10:45 pm
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    I can’t believe you print this trash. What is wrong with being polite and smiling? If your children are being destroyed it’s because of you not Chick-fil- A.

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 11:07 pm
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    Theyre doing their job. Damn well too. Youre just a stuck up douchebag who doesnt enjoy social interaction, unlike any other normal fucking person. The only toxic part of chick fil a is you. Go fuck yourself

    Reply
  • June 1, 2019 at 11:08 pm
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    How do you know they are fake Christians, since you don’t want to know anything about them? Also, I think it’s great for kids to see kindness and good work ethic modeled. They can get their fill of the opposite most anywhere. As previously mentioned, no one is forcing you to eat there but you do because someone cared enough about customers to put out not just a good, but a fabulous product.

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  • June 1, 2019 at 11:42 pm
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    Have you considered there are genuine workers, like chick-fil-a, that like to make a customer service experience better? That is what makes Chick-fil-a different. 2nd mile service, going that extra mile to make sure everything is running smoothly. I guarantee you, some people are just friendly and like to help out as best as they can. I’m sorry you don’t like that interaction but no need to bash the workers in this article because we’re just doing what we do.

    Source: Current chick-fil-a employee

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  • June 2, 2019 at 12:34 am
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    You know some people are just friendly right?

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  • June 2, 2019 at 12:43 am
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    Thank the lord almighty somebody finally said it. Smite them Mr Brown! You’re a good man and you can lead me into battle ANY DAY. Every group is like a foot, and every foot has toes. Mr Brown, you are my big toe. Erica S. would be proud.

    My father is a commie

    Reply
  • June 2, 2019 at 2:02 am
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    Your whats wrong with society. People that are hypocrites accusing others of being hypocritical. How do you know they are fake Christians? Did God bless you with a fakeness detector? Just bc you are disappointed in your life and short comings does not mean you need to infect the rest of the world with this disgusting display of an opinion. You give them your hard earned $ and support their cause and mission statement. Kinda ludicrous dont ya think? I’m a Christian a real live, I have an opinion, have imperfections, sin every day, not flawless Christian. We are real people, being a Christian doesnt make you a robot, or part of some weird cult it means believing the only way to heaven is through Jesus Gods son and believe he died on the cross for your sins and rose 3 days later. Take your waffle fries, extra crispy chicken sandwich, your beverage and your MY PLEASURE and put on your big boy pants and use the social skills your momma gave you and walk out the door. Like Thumper says, ” If ya can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Be blessed and it was MY PLEASURE to leave this comment. 😃

    Reply
  • June 2, 2019 at 7:30 am
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    What the fuck is wrong with you, OP? Go see a psychiatrist.

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  • June 2, 2019 at 9:55 am
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    I agree with Danny! People like this author is destroying the world… Soon we’ll be full of people like Josh Brown…and the earth will be brown too! Dead and decayed lacking life and humanity…tsk tsk.

    Reply
  • June 2, 2019 at 10:58 am
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    This is a weird article.

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  • June 2, 2019 at 11:30 am
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    Honestly I feel kind of the same. I hate how much I love to go there. I hate how nice they are. I can never figure out if I’m having the time of my life or am being smothered in happiness. I geuss it’s from the years of us being degraded in every other fast food establishment that when are shown just a little bit of decency, we are completely thrown off and want to run away to our trucks (because we are Southerners) and get away as fast as we can.

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    • June 5, 2019 at 10:52 am
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      Thank you, Ashley. I’m loving reading some of these comments. hahahahahaaaa

      Reply
    • June 6, 2019 at 10:06 pm
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      Josh Brown is by far the vilest, sickest, and twisted Braves fan of all. He doesnt even realize that by training up hordes of psychopaths, CFA is tapping into the greater good of capitalism. By creating many in the likeness of the My Pleasure Fairy, CFA is contributing to the next CEOs of the world, because, as facts would have it, 25+% of them are sociopaths or psychopaths. Cant rise to the top without fried chicken and dreamcones. Also, having nothing behind your eyes makes business deals all the more fun. You just dont get it, Josh… The world is meant for the smiling, church-going, old ladies with jugs to serve. Get some while you can, or move to New York City. Prick.

      Reply
  • June 2, 2019 at 12:56 pm
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    Danny,
    The word for this genre of writing is “sarcasm”. I think Josh likes CFA just fine.

    Reply
  • June 2, 2019 at 1:03 pm
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    See, here’s the problem with Google having all of our data. Because I once searched for a Chick-fil-A near me, this article came up on my feed. I clicked on it, mildly curious, for which I will take the blame. However, I never expected to discover this pile of racist, misogynistic, anti-queer drivel. Maybe you should go back to being a piece of shit in private and stay the hell off the internet for awhile. It will be a better place as a result.

    Reply
  • June 6, 2019 at 6:41 pm
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    Is it because you saw a black person working there?

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  • June 8, 2019 at 3:25 pm
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    Always trying to be funny. Always falling short.

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  • June 12, 2019 at 6:44 pm
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    The amount of people in this comment section that don’t understand satire or sarcasm really scares me….I hope you people who actually think this guy is being serious are just joking yourself. Otherwise should probably look into pulling out that giant stick up your ass.

    Reply

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